can't remember the last time i updated.
had some really good days, and some really bad days.
soccers going good, working a loooootttt! what else is new.
never get to see my friends anymore.
i'm realizing how much smithtown sucks, all we do is sit in town
everyday of our lives and do nothing. we need to figure something out.
i really don't have much to say about anything.

sunday church. worked all day again.
boring day.

Monday school.
blah, after school had practice, don't remember anything.
had a pasta party at my house! hahahah twas fun
made tshirts, paint splattered them, paint all over my backyard. soo fun. aha

Tueday (yesterday)
school, physics test, which was ridiculously easy.
and a math test, which was semi difficult.
almost finish writing my college essay, and i am really happy where its going.
after school away game at Deer Park, longest game of my life.
played almost the entire game, including the two ten min overtimes.
in the last 3 mins of the second overtimed the girl kicked the ball right at my head
and i was standing 4 feet away from her, went down. ended up getting a concussion from that.
but played the last three mins. sweet. bus ride home was miserable felt so sick.
ended up having to stop at grandpa's so i could throw up, sickkkK!
got home, threw up some more. passed out, mom had to wake me up every hour, so i wouldn't die.
shittiest night ever, Cristian kept calling me. but i really couldn't function enough to talk.

mom woke me up around 330 am, put me back in my bed, at this point i was feeling a little better.
chatted with her for a while. then eventually went back to sleep. woke up at 7, to take more medicine.
couldn't fall back asleep, my head still really hurts. so im not going into school.. until i have practice.
not practicing but supporting the team anyway. staying for cristian's game. then going to eat dinner
with the Monks, with Youth Group... should be a different experience. hopefully i don't die today.

school yesterday was good. went by pretty quick.
it was absolutely gorgeoussssss outside yesterday. it kinda reminded me of
the day i spent with Greg and Kenny. When we went to KP bluff, and went swimming and
swam to the sandbar, and it was soo nice out. Reminiscing <3 lol
but yeah, so soccer was shockingly fun yesterday, JR wasn't there so we didnt have to run.
after practice, went to the varsity boys game, sat on the bench with Cristian and coach rob.
eventually i left, and had to go to work :( its taking over.
work was annoying, had to train serena and learn how to serve all at the same time.
haha came home showered, died.

school was decently annoying today.
practice after school. soooooo much running.
sections - sprint one, jog one, sprint two jog one, sprint three jog one, sprint 4 jog 1, sprint 5 jog 1, sprint 6 jog one. (around the entire field this takes place) then you count down, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. so basically 12 field sprints.
then after that, we did 10 sets of suicides. 6 yard, then 18 yard, and back. repeatedly ten times. then we did 110s.
which is a full field sprint in 15 seconds. thats 110 yards, in 15 seconds. we did those 10 times as well. and if yu didn't make it in that time, you'd have to do more. SICK!
nearly died today at practice.
came home after practice, did an immense amount of homework.
shower. and now im recovering.

time management has to be the hardest thing to learn.
and i'm not very good at it at all.

haven't updated in a while.
schools going good, soccer's going good too.
lots going on.. like every first semester of school, its always soccer work school..
no free time ever. and especially now since im learning how to serve at baja.
fucking annoying.
cristian and i are like legit together :) its going good and im realllyyyy happy for once.
everything's going reallllyyy good.
and im happy.

second day of school was much better.
had a sub in physics already, double period of watching a movie.
my physics class is stacked too, its me meg danielle ashley lauren nappi nicole allison
cristian jojo chris lowe dianna lambert and i think a few others that i can't remember.
its gonna be sickk.
my writing for college teacher seems like a lunatic, haha he's so dry.
but it's funny. very strange man. and i like how all of our essays are going to be a broad range of topics.
we can basically write whatever we want, without any structure. so excited just to write.
there's this new kid from England, his name is Ben, and he's a senior... he's in my CPR class.
so cute, and his accent is beautiful. hahah
lunch period kinda sucks, its just me booboo and diana on a days.
matt rosenman on b days. but brothers has a project adventure class that period, so i'll probably be with them a lot. hahaha Math is going to be awesome this year, Mrs. O'leary seems so chill, and she's funny.
I sit next to Greg and Ian. Dari's in the class too. its gonna be sick. im excited.
practice was decent yesterday, short.
after practice came home showered so fast, went straight to work.
we made our little sister list, I have Gates and Rachel as my little sisters.
Darielle has Erin Frolick and Dani LaManna, we have a sick family its awesome. haha

today school, getting food with the team.
then away game, bus leaves at 4, game at sachem north under the lights.
gonna be sickkkkkkk!

so Last first day of school started out soo goodd..
day went by pretty fast, pretty good classes.
after school, re-ended pj in the parking lot.. shit load of stress
broke down and cried at soccer practice. hah
then stayed with Cristian for the boys game
came home, scared shitless, not in trouble.. but i need a lot of money to pay for all this.
but yeah, so pretty stressful end of the day.
but yeah.
tired. so gonna go to bed really early.

monday had an early practice. decent.
afterwards came home showered, got ready. met up with Cristian Brad Mike and ppl at the mall.
helped Cristian pick out his school clothes, hahah. Then dragged him to a family party.
haha wasn't that bad. Chilled with Ally and Dominic the entire night, took a ride over to Dom's house
for a little bit.. then went back to Aunt Denise's, hung out for a little while longer.
then went to town, Cristian got picked up. and i met up with Darielle Lauren Nappi, Danny and Joe.
hahah that was my team for the scavenger hunt! hahahaha sickest team ever.
we started like 2 hours after all the other teams started, and still came in second.
we were the "slut" team. hahahha 180 points, in hook ups. funniest thing ever, and the worst thing ever.
hahahaha dari and lauren left around 1030... so me danny and joe finished up the rest of it.
then i came home.. did some thinking and crashed.

woke up this morning at 730, for no reason?.. cool.
cleaned out my car and shit, picked up Lauren from practice.. got my nails done.
picked up Cristian, went to the mall again.. he helped me pick out school clothes.. hahah
then came back here, chilled for a while in my room, debated on getting chinese food, decided not too.
then me and Cristian went to the BBQ at maple for the seniors. hahhaha worst thing ever.
I ended up leaving around 230 for soccer, :)
practice till 445, then went straight to work.. worked 5-10.
miserable night at work, so boring. my feet hurt, and my head hurts.
Last First Day of High school !!!! :( im a fucking senior. its crazy. hahah. hasn't sunk in yet, that we're graduating.
late arrival, so me and dari are doing breakfast in the morning. gonna be a really good year!.

Saturday didn't have practice! thank god.
hung around for a while.. eventually went and got Country Kitchen
with Dari Lauren and Jamie, James Fig works there!? weird. haha
good talks with them about life, and things.
dropped them all off at home, then me and lauren went to the mall.
bought every color tank top imaginable.
after the mall came home, and got ready..
work 6-10ish. came home and did nothing for the 18th night in a row.

This morning slept till about 930..
got ready, 1030 mass. then straight to work. worked from 1145-915.
longest fucking day of my life. so boring. burnt my finger on a fajita plate. hurt so much. screamed.
got yelled at, got my phone taken away for a little while. suppose to go to Briana's for a party, suppose to go
to Dominic's for a party, but my parents are gay, and apparently i am still punished..
even though my mom told me my punishment was over on sunday..
whatever, ended up just hanging out with a bunch of kids in the Walgreens parking lot.
played soccer a bunch with Cristian, and i am finally better then him, only because he's sick. haha
2v2 me and cristian against Kevin Sarsfield and Mike DiSilva. hahah funniest thing.
twas nice hanging out with them. eventually my mom started bugging out and i had to go to home.
sucks. came home.. and my dad started screaming steph.. so i got confused.
and then realized, someone was attacking my car.. hahahaha it is now covered in post - it notes
hahahah thanks boys. your cool.

colors practice tomorrow with SGVST <3 out to breakfast with them afterwards.
THE CULT IS BACKKKKKK, and better then everrrrrrrr <33333

soccer continued all week..
everyday 7-10. and 5-7.
inbetween every session, i went to the hospital to be with Cristian.
he's been miserably bored, Mike and Brad were there one day.
Pj and Tom were there another. Just basically sat around with him for hours
everyday.. hahah

my body is so sore from soccer.
and im so run down.
now tomorrow im working, night shift? i think.
then sunday im working all day.

nine oclock practice monday morning.

soccer and work are offically taking over. GREAT!

sunday went to church. did a few things.
my only day off!!! took advantage, read Twilight, again! hahah

monday. woke up at 640.
got ready, first session of tryouts. not too bad.
ran a 6:58 mile. pleased with that.
came home, showered, relaxed.
picked up jamie.
stopped at Greg faulks. ahah shot group.
then went to soccer session 2.
two mile run, ridiculously hard. hahah they wanted us to do it in 13 mins.
yeah right! hahahah got it done in 16. one of the better times in my group. it was sad.
hahahah came home. showered.
died.

today, same thing. woke up at 640.
morning session, ran another mile, 7:11. disappointed.
after the first session, me jame and lauren went and drove through kingspark.
stopped at walbaums, picked up some get well cards and candy.
then went to st. catherines to visit Cristian :(
stayed for about two hours, trying to rearrange the room he's in. haha
set up his xbox for him. we left. went home showered lunch and thingssss.
went back up and hung out with him again before the second session.
met most of his family, hahah kinda awkward after a while. so we left.
second session wasn't too bad. another two mile run. longest run of my life.
then came home showered, Lauren's birthday dinner with the fam + melissa.
twas fun went to Hotoke, haha never been there and it was good.
now im going to bed, soccer again in the morning.
going to dieeeeeee!

sunday woke up decently early.
went and watched Lauren's soccer game.
went to church, went home got ready.
back up to Stony Brook University, watched Lauren's second game.
then i had a game. lost. of course. hahah.
then had two hours till my second game, but it was pointless to go home.
so just went to the mall with a bunch of the girls.
saw Joecip JocBac Dominic and VanSon.
back to the field, second game, won! yay.
after soccer, came home showered and shits.
went over to steve's. greg omar matt danielle ashely a really disfunctional ally dylan steve rob
711 run with omar greg matt. saw steve from baja! haha
back to steves. two games a pong, me and greg lost the first, then rematched ally and dylan
and won.. hahaha then came home.
ryan got dropped off and he slept over, i read, and eventually fell asleep.

long day today, work till 315, then straight to death camp, should be fun.

thursday night (last night in montauk)
Brian Owen and there friend Pat came over.
hung out at my place for a while, went down to the beach
most honest game of "never have i ever".. twas good.
walked up to Alexa's.. chilled with her for a while.
then she wanted us to come get ice cream with her, ended up ditching her.
and the boys just came back to my place, took pictures, and had a dance party.
hahah played name that tune... shitty weather sucks when your in montauk.
made smores in the microwave hahah
boys left a little after 11
then we all passed out.

Woke up this morning relatively early, went down to the beach.
absolutely gorgeous outtttttttttt! hate that, the day we leave its beautiful
lied out of a while, brian and owen came with a bunch of there friends.
brian was gonna take me out to learn how to surf, but again the waves were too rough.
sucksssss! haha we ended up leaving around 12, and the boys were still in the water
so we didn't get a chance to say goodbye :( hahaha megan muffinface.
got home around 230ish. now i have to shower and get ready.



over all, good week and good vacation.
but shitty shitty weather!

Jaime and Jessie came out tuesday
with Christine Aunt Sue and Amanda.
it was a good day best weather day so far this week.
went out to an early dinner, shitty grilled cheese and just hung out by the docks.
came back home, showered and shit.
went out met up with Andrew Anthony and Dan.
Alexa and Alyssa came out later.
Good conversations with them.

Wednesday chilled on the beach
shitty weather again.
hungout with Alexa and Alyssa at night.
met some locals. Brian and Owen.
had an experience with alcohol back at the room.
hahahha so ridiculous

thursday (today)
shittiest weather yet.
pouring rain all day, Brian and Owen were suppose to teach us how to surf.
but the oceans way to rough to learn how to... ended up just hanging by the pool with them for a while.
they left, and now me meg and lauren are just dozing on the couch and munching away.
probably eating dinner in the room tonight, bonfire with the boys if the weather clears up, if not we'll end up at brian's probably.

we're coming home tomorrow. and its suppose to be gorgeous out.
acoustic cafe tomorrow night at st. pats. EVERYONE COME!

i am heaven sent,
don't you dare forget.
i am all you've ever wanted,
what all the other boys all promised.
sorry i told. i just needed you to know.
i think in decimals and dollars.
i am the cause to all your problems,
shelter from cold. we are never alone.
coordinate brain and mouth.
then ask me whats it like to have
myself so figured out.
i wish i knew..

i hope this song starts a craze.
the kind of song that ignites the airwaves.
the kind of song that makes people glad
to be where they are,
with whoever they're there with.
this is war.
every line is about,
who i don't wanna write about anymore.
hope you come down with something
they can't diagnose, don't have the cure for.
holding on to your grudge.
oh its so hard to have someone to love.
and keeping quiet is hard.
cuz you cant keep a secret
if it never was a secret to start.
at least pretend you didn't wanna get caught..

we're concentrating on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
but i just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe, in us.

Oh, we're so c-c-c-c-c-controversial.
we are entirely smooth.
we admit to the truth,
we are the best at what we do.
and these are the words you wish you wrote down.
this is the way you wish your voice sounds,
handsome and smart.
oh my tongue's the only muscle on my body
that works harder than my heart.
and its all from watching tv,
and from speeding up my breathing.
wouldnt stop if i could.
oh it hurts to be this good.
you're holding on to your grudge.
oh it hurts to always have to be honest
with the one that you love.
oh, so let it go..

we're concentrating on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
but i just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe.
we're concentrating on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
but i just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe, in us.

this is the grace that only we can bestow.
this is the price you pay for loss of control.
this is the break in the bend,
this is the closest of calls.
this is the reason your alone,
this is the rise and the fall.

we're concentrating on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
but i just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe.
we're concentrating on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
but i just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe, in us.

haven't done much. still grounded.
worked a double on fourth of july, then went to megans for fireworks and such.
shitty night when i came home though.
after fourth of july everything started going down hill.
ohh well just my luck.
should be able to go out by the end of this week!
not working at all saturday, excited!

being grounded sucks.
i feel like i am missing out on so much.
blaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

East senior prom was a lot of fun.
didn't really know too many people, but made some new friends.
ally was so annoying, she wouldn't let the guys touch me.
she was like being mom. so gay. haha so pist.
oh well. Saturday night i worked till made late. then spent the night talking
to robert on the phone. good conversations.

friday morning after prom, everybody left around 8.
i showered and packed, got coffee with lauren.
Picked up Jamie, headed for the ferry.
just made the 2oclock ferry to go to connecticut.
got there absolutely nothing to do. waited around for ally to get there.
She finally got there, and we didn't leave our room for a good three hours.
the whole weekend was pretty sucky, just spent time with ally.
chatted a lot, watched titanic and sobbed for a while.
came home yesterday, missed the 6 oclock ferry by 2 mins, we watched it
float away, so we had to wait for the 7 oclock ferry, me and Al were
so freaking pist off, because we wanted to go out.
ferry ride was pretty short, started crying.
haahah finally got home. mom wouldn't let me out.
but she let me go pick up Rob.
went and got him from mel bennets.
came back to my house, showed him the trillion and one pictures we took for prom. and just chilled, and we hate my parents.
he went home around 11, and passed out.

Woke up really early this morning, showering.
memorial day parade, hangingout with robert, grandpas? then work at 5.
packed day, last day of a long weekend :(

thursday i worked?

Friday, school, blahhhhh.
came home, jamie came over, had piano lessons.
afterwards chilled with jame and lauren
got ready, work, me and kerry troy tried Dave's strippers costumes.
hahahah so funny, ran around town in them, saw a few kids.
suppose to hangout with Rob after work, but mom called and said that i had to come home
to have a huge talk about shit, it was miserable, i felt to bad, i always tend to ditch Rob.
haha went home, most awkward/productive talk of my life, about me smoking.
it was miserable. grounded for a month and a half. i deserve it though i guess.
no texting anymore, i have my phone though, and i get an hour on the computer a night.
pretty crazy.

Saturday don't remember anything i did.
i think i chilled around the house most of the day, then went to lauren's soccer game.
then my soccer practice, then work? work is the only time that i get to see people now. Rob came in for a little.
then everyone else came in and they got kicked out, ahhhh i miss hanging out with everyone.
and its only been like 4 days. hahaha.

Sunday 730 mass. too freaking early.
came home and got ready, CITY WITH meg jess nicole natalia and Katerina
for nicole's birthday. Walked around for a while, went to Ellen's Stardust Diner, so good.
so many good sing a longs, had so much fun. then we walked around some more, got myself
so many Audrey Hepburn things. 5 posters, a Bag, and Sunglasses that make me look like her.
ahaha then we went to A Chorus Line. did not like it all, everyone else did. haha oh well.
came home late. Took full advantage of having my phone and a day of texting, so upset.
ahaha came home, went to bed really late. didn't feel good.

Monday school, was made fun of a lot for what happened.
just a miserable day at school. came home and did nothing!!!!!!!

Tuesday, didn't go to school migraine, and i just didn't feel like going.
slept all day basically, didn't talk to anyone, kept to myself all day.

Today (wednesday)
school wasn't that bad.
ate lunch with greg today, it was nice, haven't done that in a long time.
good talks, awkward talks, and shocking talks hahahahah gotta love greg.
stayed after school for class council, didn't have a ride home.
chilled with Jamie and Tamir for a while, the Joe Cipalone gave me a ride home.

Wednesday school was school.
don't remember anything that important.
stayed after for some of the East West baseball game.
not that interesting, hungout with Yarden though, i love her shes so nice.
mom picked me up and went home. chilled at home the rest of the night i think.
blaaaah.

Today school, last day before a long weekend.
love these three day weeks.
chem quiz, wasn't too bad. hope i did well.
after school came home.
Ryan Hartmann and Ally came over, as did Jordan.
twas a party. Elios and music.
showed them all my prom dress! haha
they left eventually.
got ready for work.
worked from 5-9ish. it went by really fast.
worked with Matty!! he's home from college, love working with him
always fun. Baja almost went up in flames today, quite amusing.
rob coombs came and visited for a bit.
after work, went to east acoustic cafe, didn't stay very long.
greg kenny and ty you guys were awesome. didn't know basically anyone else who played.
tonight was actually very miserable, and not happy with myself.
in the worst emotional state i have ever been in i think, even called Ally crying it was great.
nearly crashed my car on the ride home, and now my parents are bugging the shit out of me
because im home an hour earlier then i am suppose to be, you'd think they'd be happy
im home early, but now they are just nagging me and asking me questions to what happen.
i really just don't wanna talk anymore, and i think i am just gonna go to sleep.
wake up early, and go to the gym and work out some frustration.
FUCK THIS, i officially suck at life.